Call Her Woman

Mere Chrisitianity (cont) - 'The Thrill is Gone'

2009-03-13T14:31:00.000-07:00

But the reality is that marriages do break down, the marriage loses the thrill it once had. The couple believe they're are no longer in love, they made a mistake and they are entitled to call it quits. But how do we know what love is, and thereby when we aren't 'in love'? Is it because we have been in love before and so when we are not in love we know or do we know because of what our friends have told us. For many neither is the case. Our understanding of love is 'coloured' by what we see in magazine, what we read in books, watch on tv or at the cinema. From the media we learn that when we have made the right choice and we get married we are always in love, there is an excitement and energy. So when we are not in love we know, it must have been a mistake so we leave. In time many of us find a new love with whom we 'fall in love' and the thrill returns but before long that thrill will go.

In marriage, as in every aspect of life, there is thrill at the beginning but it doesn't last. Think of when you go on holiday and you fall in love with the destination and think what a thrill it would be to live there, when you move there the thrill is short lived and in its place there is a 'quieter and more lasting kind of interest'. Lewis suggests that in marriage we should also realise that the initial thrill is only for a time and that if we submit to the loss of the thrill and settle down to the sober interest there will most likely be new thrills in some quite different direction. Allow the initial thrill run its natural course and die away; go on through that 'period of death' into the time of quieter interest and happiness that follows and you will find that you are living in a world of new thrills all the time. Lewis warns against trying to make thrill your regular diet or trying to prolong the thrill artificially. In time they will get weaker and weaker and fewer and fewer and you'll get bored and disillusioned.

Mere Christianity (cont)

2009-03-05T14:49:00.000-08:00

I found Lewis' chapter on marriage 'lovely'. A couple of chapters prior to this one Lewis says that great moral teachers don't acutally instruct their followers in anything new but they remind their followers of those things that they already know and which often get lost in the fog of life. So in this chapter Lewis reminded me that God intended marriage to be a 'single organism' (one flesh). In stating this God was not expressing a sentiment but a fact. A fact that can be equated to a lock and key, a violin and a bow - a violin is not a violin without its bow! Our inventor - God- made something that consisted of two parts. This union is complex. One aspect of this union is sexual but you cannot isolate this aspect from the whole and still gain the benefit of the whole. Just like you cannot get the full benefit of eating by just putting food in your mouth and not chewing, or tasting food and then spitting it out.

However it is this thing called love why so many people in the world get married and it is whilst 'in love' that promises to be true are made. Though made whilst in love the promise was made to be true even when love ceased. Lewis says of this

A promise must be about things I can do, about actions: no one can promise to go on feeling in a certain way. He may as well promise never to have a headache, or to always feel hungry

Being 'in love' may cease but this does not mean we should cease to love. Love goes beyond feeling,

"...it is a deep unity, maintained by the will and deliberately strengthned by habit -reinforced by (in Christian marriages) the grace which both ask for and recieve from God. They can have this love for each other even at those moments when you do not like yourself. They can retain this love even when each would easily, if allowed, be "in love" with someone else. Being 'in love' first moved them to promise fidelity, this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. It is on this love that the engine of marriage should run."

'Mere Christianity'

2009-02-20T12:44:00.000-08:00

I'm reading a book by C.S. Lewis called 'Mere Christianity'. It is one of my 'must read every year books'. In this book Lewis reminds me about so many of the fundatmentals of my faith -those that I take for granted. One of those things is Christ himself and in particular the work He came to do. Throughout the book Lewis brings up those questions that people who are not christians often use as reasons why they shouldn't/can't believe in God. He refers to Christs claim to forgive sin. It is quite reasonable when someone hurts you for you to forgive them, if they take something without permission it is reasonable for them to say sorry and you say 'forget about it' and you do. But for someone to say I forgive all your sin, without getting permission from the ones you had hurt is not reasonable. Charlie hurt Mary then Mary is the only one who should forgive for she has been hurt. But Jesus forgave wrongdoing as though he was the one to whom the offence was committed. At this point you have to come to some conclusion either Jesus was a lunatic or he was God. You can't even get away with saying he was a 'great moral teacher' because he said he could forgive sin and only God could do that as ultimatey it is God's laws that have been broken - hate, murder, adultery - and whose love is wounded with every sin.

On being sent

2008-11-11T19:16:00.000-08:00

'As the Father has sent Me, I also send you' (John 20:21). The idea of being sent is an important one. A representative is sent on behalf of her company, an ambassador is sent on behalf of his country. Those who are sent have authority but only as they represent the sender. A police officer's authority is different when she is in uniform on duty to when she is out of uniform and off duty. The setting of conditions and the giving of abilities to carry out and enforce the task is not the responsibilty of the sent but of the Sender. We as Christians have been enpowered, and our power comes from the one that sent us. Our authority as Christians comes from being the 'sent' we represent Christ, but only as long as we function in His authority.

Thankful Thursday No 4

2008-10-22T21:49:00.001-07:00

I've been going through one of those reflective, melancholic periods. A time when I just want to tell God everything, to unburden myself. So much is going on in the world and I don't know about you but the anxiety is almost tangible. I understand how frustrated Solomon must have felt when you look at the way things are, some things just aren't fair - there are things I will definately want to ask the Lord about when I see Him, but until then I'll just trust Him. I heard today that someone who I must admit I didn't know very well but who was part of a wide circle of church friends growing up in the UK, died of cancer. She must be have been in her late thirties, my heart goes out to her husband and I feel sad. I am reminded of my own mortality and that everyday is not a right but a blessing.

On this Thankful Thursday I thank God for the blessing of life And I thank God that this life with all its problems and issues is not the be all and end all or else we would be men most miserable. Possibly this is what Solomon missed, But as it is written: "Eye has not seen, nor ear heard, nor have entered into the heart of man the things which God has prepared for those who love Him." 1Cor 2:9(NKJ)

I thank God for people who love me and go out of the way to show me, with a phone call or a gift, with a email forward.

Remember! Pray one for another. We need it

Thanks to Iris By Grace Alone for the Thankful Thursday Inspiration.

Call her Woman

2008-10-13T10:13:00.000-07:00

Gen 2:18-23
18 Then the LORD God said, "It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him."
19 So out of the ground the LORD God formed every beast of the field and every bird of the air, and brought them to the man to see what he would call them; and whatever the man called every living creature, that was its name.
20 The man gave names to all cattle, and to the birds of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for the man there was not found a helper fit for him.
21 So the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh;
22 and the rib which the LORD God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man.
23 Then the man said, "This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man."
(RSV)

Like it or not this is God’s word. It wasn’t easy getting it to us, getting men to have the Sprit to hear it, then to write it, then to preserve it, no only God could have made that happened. This word has come through fire, war, heresy, just to get to us, right here, right now! It cost lives. So what was so important? What is God saying?

Call her Woman, is a paraphrase of the above ‘her name is Woman’. It’s easy to forget who you are, not your birth name but who you are, and whose you are. It easy because others forget who you are, they overlook you in promotion, they don’t introduce you at gatherings, they don’t recognise your talents and abilities, but God in this narrative wants to remind you you are ‘woman’. God himself took time to create and fashion you. Your make up is such that you are the only companion that is suitable for man. Yes, there are particular aspects that a dog or a cat can imitate, but as a woman you are the only one who is 100% spot on in everyway. You can’t be replaced, you can’t be substituted. Adam found that out in the garden. God presented Adam with every animal imaginable with all their qualities and abilities but both Adam and God knew none was acceptable for the task of being with man. Only you!

You are unique in all creation, specially brought into being for the qualities, abilities, persona and traits that you alone have. You’re a living, thinking soul who God wants to have relationship with.

Pray one for another. We need it

Thankful Thursday No 3

2008-10-09T12:10:00.000-07:00

"This is the day the Lord has made..." Psalm 118:24

He made it and isn't it just a wonderful day! Yes it is. It's Thursday and I have had my exam and I feel a lot better about it than I felt this time last week.

So I am thankful to God for getting me through this exam without losing my senses.

I am thankful to God for my mum - she is well....... words are not enough - anyway she is seventy next birthday and had a physical and has no diabetes, no cholesterol, no blood pressure and she is enjoying life. She needs to lose some weight though so she's bought herself an exercise bike!!

She is a woman who believes in the ability of God to do all things and she has passed that on to me. She had to bring up five of us on her own and things weren't easy but she made it so that we were never aware of hard things were. She was and is faithful to her God and I believe that God rewards faithfulness in different ways and I believe her health is just one of those ways.

I am thankful for my husband who I love coming home to, sharing things with, laughing with and being with.

Thankful for my beautiful children, who bring real joy - and challenge - to my life. I learn so much from them. 'Just chill' is good advice sometimes.

I am thankful to God for His grace, for loving someone like me.

Thanks to Iris By Grace Alone for the Thankful Thursday Inspiration.

Pray one for another. We need it

Amazing Love!

2008-10-04T20:54:00.000-07:00

As we begin to think about going to service and all the things that that means. Let us pray for those in,
Iran (have a look at this article about two Christians just freed from prison) Pakistan, China and many other places in the world for whom even speaking the name of Jesus could mean death. As these brothers and sisters meet together to worship and fellowship let's pray for their protection and for strength to continue despite the every day opposition. What amazing love!

Lets pray for men and women who have chosen to leave their countries of safety to share the great joy that they have found in Jesus with those who are unreached. Pray that God will provide for them, strengthen them and give them a smile. Pray that God will cause His face to shine on them and give them peace. They have amazing love.

And as we go to our various places of worship let us shout, sing, lift our hands, bow our heads, kneel, read, sing, quietly meditate, what ever we do, do it to show our love and gratefulness to God. Do it with all our heart, with all our mind and with all our soul.

I am so thankful today not only for the freedom I have in Christ but also the freedom to worship and talk about His goodness freely and to bask in His Amazing Love. Have a blessed Sunday.

Pray one for another. We need it

Thankful Thursday No.2

2008-10-02T10:55:00.000-07:00

I did a Hebrew test and it did not go as well as it should for lots of reasons - one being that it was online and I just could read the script, the other my mind went blank. Have you ever had that you know you know it but its as if nothing's there.
I had some good advice last week that I have taken on 'just don't worry' . I give that advice so much and most of the time I don't stress but there are times when.... well you know. But in the scheme of things a lot of things aren't that big a deal, next week will come and there is another test - well an exam! It will be OK And so today I'm thankful because its going to be OK. Someone said 'today is the tomorrow we worried about yesterday, and all is well'. "Be thankful unto Him and bless is His Name" Psalm 100:4

Thanks to Iris By Grace Alone for the Thankful Thursday Inspiration.

Pray one for another. We need it.

Bill, Bills, and more Bills

2008-09-30T13:57:00.000-07:00

Its that time of the month again!! Trying to fit the money with the bills and realising that there are more bills than money. What's possibly comforting -I said possibly-is knowing that most people are in the same position. Listening to the news this week there doesn't seem to be a light at the end of the tunnel, the bailout isn't going to happen - at least not yet. It makes me think that this is why Jesus said 'Seek first the Kingdom', He is sooo clever! Change your focus. Put your efforts into those things that are eternal and unchanging. To my mind it doesn't mean we should just pretend that the economic situation isn't important. Too many people are being adverseley affected by it. But if we concentrate on it too much it will 'do your head in' - to use a Britsh phrase. The book of Judges tells of a time when Samson came across a lion and as lions do he roared - Samson was about to be dinner. Samson however kills the lion and days later finds honey in the carcass .... a carcass - something that was dead and depleted. The source was not the carcass but God. That same God will provide for us from things that are dead and depleted from the last place we would think of, because He can. Don't look at the circumstance look to the Source. He will provide.

Pray one for another. We need it

Thankful Thursday No.1

2008-09-25T12:53:00.000-07:00

I am now officially starting 'Thankful Thursdays' at 'Call Her Woman'. As you know this blog in essence gives God thanks for being who I am. If for nothing else ladies (and gentlemen) give God thanks for making you you. Unique in everyway. I think the orginiator of this idea is a lady called Iris (Sting to my Heart)and I thank God for her, I hope I'm not misunderstanding her but she would really like to live somewhere else, but is finding reasons to praise God anyhow! There is an old song that says 'count your blessings, name them one by one and it will surprise you what the Lord has done' Maaaan, it can take an effort to name those blessings as it's much easier to count all the the things that are working against us. I for one know that if it were not for the grace of my Father who loved me, well this blog would not be as it is. I travelled from my home to Alexandria, Virginia a three hour journey, and I am still here, so I'm thankful. I know I have things still to do, lives still to touch, things to say so I am thankful for the opportunity. "Thank you Lord for one more Thursday". Thank the Lord just for one thing right now.

Pray one for another. We need it

I am wonderfully made

2008-09-23T18:34:00.000-07:00

Ps 139:14-17
14 Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! It is amazing to think about. Your workmanship is marvelous-- and how well I know it.15 You were there while I was being formed in utter seclusion!16 You saw me before I was born and scheduled each day of my life before I began to breathe. Every day was recorded in your book!17 How precious it is, Lord, to realize that you are thinking about me constantly! I can't even count how many times a day your thoughts turn toward me. And when I waken in the morning, you are still thinking of me! (The Living Bible)

I get annoyed when people abuse their bodies, and christians need to realise that this body is not only the carrier of great treasure but it is the only means by which the gospel is going to reach the rest of the world. We often forget what a work of creative genius we are. Science is the most powerful tool that we have for studying the natural world, including ourselves. But science has a huge failing (well at least one), it doesn't necessarily help us to understand God. In fact, rather than having a PhD in science all that we need is a tiniest amount of faith. Where science stops faith takes over. A case in point is the study of genes or genome. This aspect of science can tell us a lot about our biological nature, the ‘mechanical’ parts but what it can't tell us is why there is in almost every human being an inherent longing for God. DNA does not answer where we get our sense of right and wrong from, neither our urge to –for the most part anyway- do the right thing, even to the extent of risking our own life to save another. This is the exact opposite of evolution. Evolution advocates survival of the fittest, dog eat dog. It is these and other aspects of humanity that let us know that we are more than chemicals and DNA, there is a spiritual part to our nature.* The writer in the Genesis passage lets us know the source of this spiritual nature, it is the life of our Creator.

So as far as is possible lets look after ourselves because you and I are so wonderfully made.

Pray one for another. We need it!

*www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2001/October1/2.42

Enough is enough.

2008-09-21T18:38:00.000-07:00

Have you got fed up enough of the state of things in your marriage, in your family, at your work place, in your body, in your community, even dare I say it in your church, to say "that's it, that's enough, this means war!" Have you found that as gifted and anointed as we are as Christians those things that we have tried to fix through good counsel, through medicine, through trying to be better those things "rather grow worse". You see what we're going through may not be physical! There's a war going on beyond Iraq, beyond Russia, it is the war for our personal peace. And when we get fed up enough we'll ask God for the whole armour so that we will be protected from those things that come to capture our peace and destroy us . The words of this song sung by CeCe Winans says 'anoint my hands anoint my feet' to do war to take back what the enemy has stolen from us.

Living with Differences

2008-09-20T09:09:00.000-07:00

(the above picture is my friend who waited many years for this day)

21 years [and one day] I can't believe it. Looking back I didn't think too much about married life and definitely not 21 years of it. The first three years I think were hardest because both of us came to realize that we were so different. We shared the same interests, love for God, church , ministry, education, traveling, reading but you don't live in church, you aren't continually traveling or reading. The majority of the time it was us - together - a lot of the time. Our emphases and priorities were often dissimilar.We had to deal with our disparities .These of course were points of tension. It is precisely these points of tension that the enemy highlights in our minds, he plays them over and over - I don't know if it is the same for men, it would be interesting to find out. He did the same to Eve, he allowed her to concentrate on what she didn't have thereby losing focus on what she did. I know now that it was the grace of God that kept us together at those times. It was then and is now the enemy's desire to 'sift us like wheat' and if Jesus doesn't make intercession for us we wont make it, left to our own devices we will bite that apple and then be forced to live with the consequences.
That said making the dissimilar and the similar mould together until you can't see where the dissimilarities and the similarities are is a mystery - and an on going process. The creation of marriage is a Godly one, it's not mass produced by robots but one that involves not only the Creator but also the creation. I guess the best anology is not really clay but wood. A good carpenter can look at the grain and the markings on a piece of wood and know how to craft it in order to bring out its inner beauty but some quite harsh tools are used to bring about that final work.

Pray one for another. We need it!

21 today, 21 today

2008-09-19T09:29:00.001-07:00

Today I am celebrating my 21st wedding anniversary - yea I know life sentences are shorter :). No, it's not because I'm married to the perfect man (though he did give me a dozen roses and a card first thing this morning, that played 'How sweet it is to be loved by you'- no hatin' now) and it's not that I'm the perfect wife - [Even though after making us God said everything that was made was now very good...not perfect-close though :)].

There were many occasions when I felt I wanted out and I'm sure my husband felt the same way but we are still here and I am celebrating it, reflecting on the past years and thanking God for today - I don't take it for granted.

Question for you. Is deciding to part company the easy way out? (I'm not talking out of abusive relationships thats a no brainer!)

Pray one for another! We need it.

marriage
anniversary
divorce

Try Something New

2008-09-18T20:59:00.000-07:00

I've just come from a 'Point of Grace' concert. I'm a gospel music lover, there I admit it. My mum owned a Mahalia Jackson vinyl record which I listened to over and over - oh and she did own a Charlie Pride record as well, I forgot about that. I learned every word and nuance of Mahalia's recording. I attended a 'black church' as a child which caused my love of gospel music grow even more.

About six years ago I bought a 3CD set of Darlene Zschech and I was smitten. My love of gospel didn't wane, it broadened. But I remember a time when I wouldn't have given that genre a hearing - to me gospel was the only music that moved you, it was music that could take you into 'His Presence' but now I wondered how much of this had I missed out on. Point of Grace sang 'On Gods Green Earth' and 'How You Live', fabulous songs! I kept thinking why had I not paid more attention to this group before I comforted myself with one of my well used adages 'nothing happens before the time' and its what I do now that matters. How many times do we close ourselves off to all things new, things that broaden our horizons, things that may possibly open a door that we should really walk through. We can miss out on so many opportunities because we are set in our ways. 'Can't teach an old dog new tricks' and all that... When my children were small they didn't like the taste of cream, and avacado and hummos but I kept letting them try it and as they got older their tastes developed and things that they once disliked now they enjoy - at least some of them. Is it time to try something different? To meet someone from outside of your 'everyday'? To learn a new skill? To develop that talent? Don't leave it one more day make a move. Pray one for another - we need it!

Point of Grace gospel music new beginnings

I need a word

2008-09-11T19:30:00.000-07:00

I am doing a Biblical Hebrew course at the moment which is extremely intense. But one of the wonderful thing about doing a course like this is the way that God makes himself known. Every week we have to learn the meanings of and how to say 40 Hebrew words. It takes a lot of time and there always seem to be two words that won't stick in your mind. One of the words I learnt this week was "ne-um" which means revelation, utterance, announcement.

There are times we need a revelation, an announcement not from journatlists, politicians, life coaches or therapists, we just want one announcement from our Source. Something that will give us encouragement to take just one more step, to get through just one more day. It is comforting to know that He speaks through his word, but there are times we need the Holy Spirit to burn in our hearts. Like the disciples on the road to Emmaus we want to not only hear the word but to feel. As we share out desire with God ask that He will respond with an utterance. Pray one for another.

hearing from God

I Will Finish

2008-09-05T19:30:00.001-07:00

We all need to keep fit, no matter what size we are. Hezekiah challenged God, he told him that the grave could not praise Him, in other words 'I'm no use to you dead God, so don't allow me to die right now.' The same goes for if we don't keep our bodies active. God can't use a body that just can't go. I know that there are some ailments and disabilites that are outside our control but there are some that are well in our control, you know I'm right. Walk 20 minutes a day - 10 minutes away from the house and 10 minutes back home. Over the days and weeks increase the pace and as you get more comfortable increase the time. It is also a time when the Holy Spirit can speak to you. I was on a walk which turned into a run and I was determined to run for twenty minutes, five minutes went by and I was out of breath I felt I couldn't go on. I told myself just another 5 minutes, still our of breath I continued and as the time passed I told my self 'you've only got ten minutes to go,just try to go another five minutes....' I ran for the full twenty minutes. I thought how many times the enemy makes us think we can't go a step further, its too much now, I can't take anymore rejection, I can't take one more dissappointment, no more bad news. At that moment it feels that we can't, but we can and we can because in our weakness our God shows how strong He is. He is strong enough to carry us through those dissapointments. And you know, there is an added bonus. When I was running I was increasing my endurance, so the next time I can may be able to run for 25 minutes. When we overcome we are stronger, wiser, better. You see how you start is not questioned it is not even how you finish but if you finish. Speak to yourself I will finish! Pray one for another......
Labels: pray, women

What great women these Christians have.....

2008-08-31T18:48:00.000-07:00

Time has gone so fast it was over a year ago that I wrote anything on my blog and so much has happened. As I go on I'll share things that have happened over past year, but now I have to deal with the now. Hilary Clinton, Michelle Obama and now Sarah Palin have been thrust into our psyche and regardless of your politics its great to see women overcoming barriers and being agents of change and challenging women to think about what they can do. I remember when Margaret Thatcher became Prime Minister of England, living in Britain at the time I am ashamed to say I was a little uncertain about a women leading the country, but I grew to admire this woman for her determination and grit. She was and is known as the 'Iron Lady'. She was tough but she was still a lady. I've been in the States a few months now and I see that God is calling women at such an incredible rate and these women are doing great things for God. I have just recieved an article in 'Gospel Today' about female pastors, Sheryl Brady, Tamara Bennett, Kimberley Ray to name a few. These women are leading churches yea with all the joys and acolade that that brings but also with the pressure, stress and opposition that come with being not only in leadership but a woman in leadership. I applaud these women and every woman who leads a Sunday School class, a bible study, a prayer group. God has called you and me into the Kingdom for this present time. Its the best of times and yet it is the worst of times let us continue to pray one for another.

Out with the old......

2007-06-17T15:34:00.000-07:00

I have to admit to being a bit of a hoarder. Every now and again I try to have a clear out but I just hate throwing things away.

Now that we are now environmentally aware I always think that I can use pot again or I can give that to someone who maybe able to use it. The bad thing about it is often I just put the thing somewhere out of the way with the intention of giving it to that someone or of using it again. And when I come to have that clean the next time I come across it again!

We'll be leaving Ghana very soon and so again I am having to sort out 10 years of stuff. It's taking me ages as everything I have has a memory or occasion attached to it even Christmas cards which friends have taken time out to choose and send to me, so it is taking me a long time.

I think we like the familiar and as such we are reluctant to get rid of that which we know and are attached to. What a wrench it must have been to Abraham who was told to leave everthing which he was used to and familiar with and move to the unfamiliar and the unknown. He could have chosen to play safe and stay where he was or to make room for new blessings, new experiences. Throwing out the old makes way for the new. Holding on to the old inevitably leaves less space for the new.

So I will take that old suitcase, those clothes that I haven't worn for years and give them away or throw them out.....I will.

Be Encouraged.

2007-06-11T11:49:00.000-07:00

A little encouragement goes a long way, I'm of the opinion that we don't encourage people enough and I think this is borne out of the fact that we don't recieve it enough so we don't give it and so it goes on.

Barnabas whose name means 'Son of Encouragment' personified his name. The book of Acts tells us how Paul came to Jerusalem and was not trusted. No wonder as prior to becoming a follower of Jesus he would capture and throw Christians into prison. Of course then there was air of suspician. Was he 'fakin it' or was this all a ploy to imprison more disciples.

Barnabas steps up to the plate. He presents Paul to the apostles and staked his own reputation on the truth of his conversion. Although not witnessing it himself he told the apostles that he (Paul) had seen Jesus on the way to Damascus, that the Lord had spoken to Saul and of how he had preached boldly in Damascus. At some point Barnabas must have taken the time out to speak to Paul, listen to this testimony and find out what he was doing as a result of that testimony.

Imagine how Paul must have felt having this veteran standing up and speaking on his behalf. Imagine if Barnabas had not spoken. The apostles may have refused to hear him, much of the New Testament might not have been written.

Let us take time to encourage, you don't know the impact you will make.

Remember .....pray one for another

Save a Marriage

2007-06-09T16:58:00.000-07:00

Someone forwarded this to me last week, and it brought a tear to my eye.

When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes. Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why? I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Dew. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her! With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Dew so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now. The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Dew. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again. In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage. This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that everyday for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request. I told Dew about my wife s divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully. My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office. On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest.
I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her. On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.
On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Dew about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger. She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, "all my dresses have grown bigger". I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily. Suddenly it hit me; she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head. Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mum out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly, it was
just like our wedding day. But her much lighter weight made me sad.

On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step.
Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind... I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I do not want the divorce anymore. She looked at me, astonished. Then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other any more. Now I realise that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank, blah..blah..blah. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other thatbuild intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

Remember.......Pray one for another

Party Time!

2007-06-02T01:43:00.001-07:00

Yesterday I threw a surprise party for my husband. He was totally unaware of anything. We had some friends visiting from the UK who were leaving that day and though we would have really liked them to have been there, they were the perfect reason for getting him out of the house. I asked them to insist on being at the airport early. When he left for the airport things began to move. With the help of family and friends we put up lights, set out tables and chairs, put the food out, and most importantly friends came to help us celebrate. He was to use a English expression 'gobsmacked'.

I'm not sure what I feel about growing older, younger people see 40 something as ancient, while older people feel that 40 something is still young. There are days when I am at peace with my age, when I bask in the freedom to do exaclty what I want as the years have given me that right. Then there are days when I feel that if I knew when I was younger what I know now I would have made some different choices.

Often I have to remind myself that the gift of life, health and strength is what I should focus on. Using those three gifts to make the most of the opportunites and time I have right now as I don't know what tomorrow will bring.

I was inspired by the a Ghanaian woman - Georgina Woode - who at the age of 60 has been nominated by the Ghanaian president, John Kufuor for the office of Chief Justice, the highest juidicial position in the land. Reading through her interests I was struck by the fact that she was the leader of her church choir - Assemblies of God. God has a way of using you what ever age you are as long as we make ourselves available for use.

Remember ...... pray one for another.

What's that in you hand?

2007-05-28T19:13:00.000-07:00

Harriet Tubman. Now there's a woman! From available documents it would seem that she didn't have much going for her. She was short, unattractive (her front teeth were missing), she couldn't read or write, she was prone to fits which caused her to collapse and fall asleep, and she was a black female slave. But did she allow these things to dampen her resolve to make a difference?

She was of the view that she had a right to one of two things - liberty or death and she would fight for one or settle for the other. When she did take her freedom she couldn't enjoy it knowing that her family were still enslaved. She strategised as to how best to get them from the South to the North. She did get them out, not only them but she went on to lead over 300 other people out of slavery. She didn't have much but she made the most of what she did have.

What do you have in your hand? It may be just a resolve to make tomorrow better than today with Gods help. It may be all you have going for you, but strengthen that resolve right now! Make the most of it, plan around it and use it to take you forward.

Remember ......Pray one for another.

Time Out!

2007-05-28T18:41:00.000-07:00

Yes I know its not a good time right now..... and the project proposal is already overdue.....and the children have exams and they need you. But you need you too! Time out is vital to us as women. You need to be all you can be to yourself so that you can share it with others. You can't do this all at one time, just a little bit at a time. People and situations will just keep taking, and taking and taking until you're just a crumpled mass telling yourself "I can't do this anymore!" Trust me there will always be one more thing to do, something else to sort out but you're not doing yourself any favours by just going on and on.

I was away - for just two nights, Friday through Sunday - and it was fabulous. I went to a seminary about an hour outside of Accra. They were great - they just left me alone, which was exactly what I wanted. I wanted just to spend time talking to God and giving Him the space to speak to me . I was also able to read and put somethings down on paper that I just did not have the time to put down before. I was also able to sleep!!

I'm back home again with vistors to entertain, exam revision to coordinate and oversee, but I feel more able mentally if not physically.

Remember ..... Pray one for another

Small Island

2007-05-22T21:21:00.001-07:00

There were many parts of 'Small Island' that made me chuckle. I was surprised at how I was able to empathise with those courageous men and women who left the Caribbean with a view to economic improvement. I also understood their fantasy about the 'motherland' and the reality that they actually encountered. I agree with one reviewer who wrote that it was as if she (Levy) 'persuades you she was there..'

What saddens me is that this continues in England today. We talk of anti racism and positive action and diversity but the problem is deeper. When a black 11 year old in 2007 is asked by fellow white students to open her mouth so they can see the colour inside, I am deeply saddened. Where is this being cultivated? I know that children aren't born with this, it's taught, overtly or covertly. These 11 year olds students will should God permit become the supervisors personnel officers, civil servants, managing directors of the United Kingdom.

Talking to a friend who has been a teacher for over 30 years and a headteacher for more than a third of that time in mainly inner city schools, is of the firm opinion that attitudes are changing, that the above example is an exception rather than a rule. I need to be convinced. As a child I experienced such demeaning attitudes and it grieves me that over 30 years on 'my children' are still having to undergo this.

Those of us who are are Christians need to lead the way in showing the world how things ought to be. Or are we in some way adding to the problem by not facing this issue head on beginning with the person in the mirror and seeing if we have beams that need to be taken out of our eyes.

Remember ......Pray one for another.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Small-Island-Andrea-Levy/dp/075530750X

A reason for living

2007-05-22T02:35:00.000-07:00

On a recent trip to one to the poorest regions in Ghana I was challenged by women who smiled, sang, danced, laughed, chatted, questioned but who by 'developed country' standards had so little. Their clothes weren't coordinated or fashionable, but clean nonetheless. They walked everywhere unless they were rich enough to own a bicycle.

A lady who lived in Kumasi, Ghana's second city (first of course if you are Ashanti!) tried to prepare me for the experience by saying to me '.....we are not poor here (Kumasi) go to the North that's where you'll see poor, when I go there I want to take off the clothes I'm wearing it to them.'

I wasn't prepared for what I saw and felt. My task was to speak to these women. I questioned myself and God what could I say that would make a tangible difference to the dire circumstances these women lived in, trite words and cliches would be insensitive and demeaning not only to these wonderful people but to myself.

I don't know if what I said made any real and lasting difference, I leave that to God. What I took away rather was that the will to live, to get up every morning and face poverty, no running water or sanitation, is the strongest force of all.

Remember .......Pray one for another

Hello

2007-05-20T18:21:00.000-07:00

It's done '.... transactions done' I have created and begun writing my own blog. This is a wow experience! Forgive me all you experts, but I didn't even know what a blog was until June 06 when I was given a two hour crash introduction. Time has stopped me from actually doing anything about my new found knowlege until now, but this is it. I'm not going to say much as I just want to get this out there to see what it looks like. Again apologies..... Any tips for freshers greatly appreciated.

Remember Pray one for another